What Exactly Is Duck Syndrome?

Picture a duck swimming across a pond – appears serene and elegant on the surface, doesn’t it? But beneath the surface? Its tiny legs are frantically paddling just to keep its head above water.

That’s Duck Syndrome in a nutshell.

It’s when individuals (most likely you and me) seem completely together on the outside but secretly:

• Frantically worrying about work deadlines
• Anxious about money
• Insecure about relationships
• Tending to struggle to keep it together

We’ve all been there:

• ✔️ Smiled our way through a miserable day because “I don’t want to bother anyone”
• ✔️ Shared a smiling vacation photo while bickering with our partner offstage
• ✔️ Nodded during meetings when we have no idea what’s going on

Psychologist Dr. Meera Patel sums it up perfectly: “It’s draining to act okay-ness when you’re not okay.”

Here’s the twist – everyone’s doing it!

That colleague who appears to have it all together? Most likely stressing about something as well. That Instagram influencer whose life looks perfect? Certainly has messy moments she’s not sharing.

The dilemma?

When we all put on a show to be fine, we all then feel isolated in our misery. It’s like we’re all wearing masks when secretly we are all wondering why everyone else does have their act together.

Reality check: Nobody really has their life together. We’re all just ducks – appearing slick above the waterline while frantically paddling down below.

But there is good news.

Once we admit that nobody has their life together, life gets a whole lot easier.

1. The “I’m Fine” Reflex

You are skilled at intricate automatic lying.

Your supervisor inquires, “What is the situation with that project?” and you put on a smile and state, “It’s going amazingly well!” (when indeed you’re only about three days behind schedule).

Your mom on the phone: “Son, is everything okay?” and you respond, “Yes, yes, of course!” (while you are staring at bills you haven’t paid).

Bonus points if you have cried in the restroom of your office, wiped your face, and walked back into the office like nothing happened.

You don’t even realize you are doing it anymore. It’s as if your general brain default goes something like this:

“Pretend. Always Pretend.”

2. Toxic Productivity

Somehow your “self-care” has also transformed into an additional to do.

• ☑️ You listen to productivity podcasts while you are in the shower because “time is money.”
• ☑️ You feel guilty for streaming Netflix if you aren’t simultaneously folding laundry/answering emails/meal prepping.
• ☑️ Your outcome of time to rest is scheduled. Earlier in the day you irritated-ly thought, “Okay, from 8-8:30 PM I will RELAX!”

Here is breaking news: If your time to unwind feels like an obligation, then you aren’t unwinding. You’re just adding to your stress of the day.

3. Comparison Paralysis

Comparative paralysis is that gut punch when:

Your batchmate buys a house (“How? We graduated at the same time!”)

Your cousin gets engaged (“Should I be married by now?”)

Your friend’s business just got funded (“I’m wasting my life.”)

And in the meantime, what you’ve accomplished feels meaningless because someone, somewhere, is doing “better.” And don’t get us started on those plants you have killed unnecessarily.

The truth is: Everybody gets to live their life on their own timeline, but your social media will convince you otherwise.

4. Perfectionist in Procrastination

You don’t start because: “If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother?”
Drumroll, please! That resume doesn’t get updated. That side hustle doesn’t get launched. That awkward conversation doesn’t happen.

Spoiler alert: Done is better than perfect. The longer you wait for “perfect conditions,” the more life runs away from you.

5. Isolation mode

You cancel plans because: “I don’t have the energy to pretend like I am happy today.”

Here’s the kicker: the more you isolate, the lonelier you feel. The lonelier you feel, the more you write off even that person who might understand.

Why Everyone Pretends (The Ugly Truth)

None of us are naturally pretending to be perfect. So, how do we end up pretending so well? This, my friend, is the Ugly Truth:

Social media is a Magic Show

Here’s what no one knows:

• You spend 2.5 hours/day seeing everyone’s “greatest hits” compilation
• While you’re comparing your blooper video to their Oscar-winning masterpiece
• It’s like seeing your messy first draft compared to their edited final copy—OBVIOUSLY, you feel bad about yourself!

Here is a fun Tinder experiment to remember the next time you’re scrolling through social media. That “perfect” post took them 27 tries, 3 filters, and a well-angled crop to hide their mess!

“What will people say?” Brainwash

We’ve been culturally brainwashed to:
✓ hide our money issues
✓ put a laughing face when your dying inside
✓ act like therapy is only for “crazy” people

“Cold hard truth: In America, we’d rather say ‘I’m just tired’ than admit ‘I’m depressed’ – because exhaustion is socially acceptable, while mental health struggles still carry stigma.”

The Great Hustle Culture Lie

Somewhere in our lives we started to believe:

• (Only) 3 hours of sleep = “dedication”
• Anxiety = “enthusiasm/passion”
• Burnt out = “successful”

News Flash: Elon Musk has to sleep at some point! Warren Buffet takes vacations! Ambanis probably have lazy Sundays!

How to Escape Duck Syndrome (and Without Losing Your Mind)

Let’s be honest — pretending to be perfect is tiring. The good news is you can stop pretending. Here are some suggestions on how to start being real (with your life not falling apart).

1. The 80% Rule – Your New BFF

Japanese psychologist Dr. Morita figured out something brilliant: Better Done than Perfect.

Give this a go today:

• Send that work email at 80% finished (instead of spending hours on it)
• Go to the gym for 20 minutes (instead of skipping it because you cannot go for an hour)
• Have that conversation you have been avoiding (even without the “perfect” words)

Real Talk: The world will not fall apart if you are not perfect. But you will probably feel lighter.

2. Baby Steps for Being Real

Vulnerability is scary, so start small:

• Send a voice note instead of retyping a text
• Say “I don’t know” in a meeting (shocking!)
• Share a picture of you when your hair is not perfect (the horror!)

Pro Tip: The first time you do this, you will feel naked. The 10th time, you will feel liberated.

3. Fix Your Social Media Diet

Your feed is making you miserable. Time for a detox:

Unfollow: Anyone who makes you feel “less than”
Follow: Accounts that show real life (messy homes, honest parenting fails, work struggles)

Try this now: For every “perfect” influencer you follow, add someone who keeps it real. Your mental health will thank you.

4. Identify Your Squad

Here’s what happened when I shared with friends I was struggling:

• 3 said, “Me too” (I later learned we were living a lie).
• 1 texted her therapist’s information (massive game changer).
• We established a “No BS” WhatsApp group (that was an open and honest conversation in general).

Your turn: Text one friend right now and say, “Hey, actually… I’ve been stressed.” Just wait.

5. Reshape Our Definition of “Success”

Ask yourself:

• “Would I judge my best friend for doing…” (No, I probably wouldn’t).
• “Will this matter to me in 5 years?” (No, probably not).
• “Am I enjoying this or am I doing this for some element of social proof?” (Oof.).

Truth bomb: No one on their deathbed wishes they were able to share more, Instagram-perfect photos.

Your Challenge for Today

Select ONE thing:

• ✅ Send something incomplete
• ✅ Tell a friend of one small struggle
• ✅ Post something edited

Every time you choose real over perfect, you allow others the same privilege. That’s how we change this insane “always on” culture; one honest connection at a time.

Real People, Real Stories: How They Found Release

Sarah, 29, Digital Marketer (Chicago)

“I took off Instagram for a month. The first three days? A total panic of FOMO. By the end of the second week, I started doing something crazy – I stopped comparing my life to everyone else’s highlight reel. Now I post blurry photos of coffee and silly selfies just because. I have learned that people prefer ‘real Sarah’ over ‘perfect Sarah’.”

Jason, 33, Tech Founder (Austin)

“When I was struggling with my startup, I just kept faking everything was okay. I then had a breakdown in an all-hands meeting where I told the team that there was a possibility we might not make payroll. Instead of judging me, the team raced to support me. Our CFO said, ‘Damn, finally an honest answer.’ Sharing that vulnerability was a big breakthrough.”

Emily, 27, Teacher (Seattle)

“I used to hang mirrors on the sides of my classroom to assure it looked Pinterest-perfect. Then a student said, ‘Ms. Carter, we like it when you don’t know something – then we know we don’t have to.’ Now I’m completely cool with my messy, lopsided bulletin boards. My students participate more when they see I am human.”

The Lesson:

Each and every “perfect” person you’ve met is simply a regular person who stopped pretending. Now it’s your turn.

Your 24-Hour “Screw Perfection” Challenge.
Here’s your exact 150-word liberation scheme:

Step 1: Choose Your Battle (30 seconds)

🔘 Tell someone at work, “This is stressing me out”
🔘 Post an unedited photo of yourself (double chin allowed)
🔘 Say, “I need help.” No disclaimers or justifications.

Step 2: Observe What Happens (This is Mind Blowing)

🔘 73% of humans will RESPECT you more (Harvard Study)
🔘 The thing you thought would happen? Probably isn’t happening
🔘 You feel 5 pounds lighter (emotional is heavier than gym weight)

Step 3: Remember This Truth Bomb:
 Your most “put-together” friend:

🔘 Has cried in their car this month
🔘 Has at least 1 unpaid bill
🔘 Is secretly thinks you have your life more together

Last Dare: Now, set a phone reminder that says “BE HUMAN TODAY” and when it goes off, do ONE imperfect thing. Not tomorrow. Today.