Zainab Imtiaz

A passionate psychologist on a mission to make psychology insightful, relatable, and engaging! From mental health to human behavior, I break down complex ideas into thought-provoking reads for curious minds.

Categories
Clinical Psychology

Kinks, Fetishes, Paraphilias: Definitions and treatment options

Kinks, Fetishes, Paraphilias

You may have encountered the phrases kink, fetish, or paraphilia in films, literature, or daily conversations.

People frequently have misconceptions or incorrect ideas about the meanings of those words or assume they always refer to something odd or abnormal (I had thought the same for a long time).

In reality, the truth is the opposite.

Human sexuality is varied or has diversity. We all experience desire differently. Some people like to explore or try new activities to enhance their pleasure.  

This is called kink—a kink is any newfound pleasure.

Some people are extremely attracted to particular objects, materials, or body parts, which may become necessary to their excitement. These attractions are referred to as a fetish. Most kinks and fetishes are absolutely normal and harmless and are simply part of a person’s sexual expression.

However, in some situations, certain urges may lead to discomfort, interfere with daily life, or be non-consensual. When this happens, it may be classified as a paraphilic disorder.

To explain the difference between harmless sexual preferences and preferences that may need attention, mental health professionals often use the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition). The main difference for the DSM-5 is harm and distress; Is the interest creating personal distress, distressing relationships, or non-consensual activity? Psychology does not simply attempt to say someone is “wrong” for their interest.

What Are Kinks and Why Do People Have Them Bruh?

A kink is non-normative activity that heightens excitement/intensity in a romantic/sexual setting. Some might experience kinks as ways to intensify feelings of intimacy while for others it’s a way of exploring. Common kinks include BDSM (bondage, discipline, domination, and submission), role play, or even sensory play (e.g., blindfold play, feather play, different temperatures, etc.).

The process by which people develop kinks can differ, but a big part involves how the brain forms associations between pleasure and experiences.

When someone has an experience that they find pleasurable involving something new, the brain reinforces the experience by releasing pleasure/reward chemicals, primarily dopamine. Overtime, the association between the activity and the desire strengthens. You might not know this, but psychologists have various theories as to why individuals have kinks.

One such theory, proposed by Sigmund Freud, is that associations formed early in life are determinative of adult kinks/preferences. Notably, many psychologists now would agree that kinks develop for many reasons, some biological and some personal experience. The important takeaway: kinks are completely normal and only need to be justified if they cause stress or harm to an individual.

Fetishes: When Attraction Becomes Necessary for Arousal

Fetishes are similar to kinks, but they might be more oriented around an object, texture, or specific body part rather than a particular activity. In some cases, those with fetishes might find these features add a little bit of spice to an already exciting experience. But then, for others, these traits are absolute necessities for sexual arousal.

Some other examples could include:

  • Foot fetishes, where someone finds pleasure in shoes or feet, or
  • Latex and leather fetishes, where the feel and smell of the fabric adds to the attraction.

When talking about fetish objects, it may even include an object, such as stockings or gloves, or a particular matrix of fabric, based on their experience and the way their pleasure is wired in the brain. And while we are talking about the brain, there is evidence to suggest that fetishism can be developed through a classical conditioning process (a la Pavlov’s dog except sexier).

The premise is that someone has a significant pleasurable experience with an object, or stimulus, and their brain connects the stimulus to arousal going forward. Brain imaging has shown increased amygdala (emotion-processing) and dopamine activity in individuals with fetishes to the stimuli they experience fetishistically; their brain is lighting up in response to the object of their preference–similarly to the way your brain reacts to your romantic partner.

Just to clarify, fetishes are not weird, wrong, or bad—they’re very common, and many people might have one.

When Does a Sexual Interest Cross the Line?

Most kinks and fetishes are completely normal and don’t need treatment. Some kinks and fetishes are distressing, compulsive, or harmful.

Psychologists define problematic sexual interests as:

1. Causing distress – When someone feels guilt, shame, or anxiety about their urges.

2. Involves non-consensual activity – If the urge is to engage in acts that violate boundaries such as voyeurism (watching an unknowing person) or exhibitionism (exposing themselves in public).

3. Interferes with daily life – If a preference becomes an obsession, for example, work, relationships, or personal well-being.

If someone enjoys watching their partner with voyeuristic interest (with consent), it is not a disorder. If they act on their urge and spy on unknowing strangers, this may indicate Voyeuristic Disorder in the DSM-5. The major distinction regarding healthy expression vs disorder is consent and control.

Can Therapy “Fix” Kinks and Fetishes?

The notion that kinks or fetishes need to be “fixed” is an old concept. In the vast majority of instances, therapy is not about removing a person’s preferences, but working with a person to feel more comfortable and at peace with their sexuality and to express those interests in safe and ethical ways. For individuals who experience distress around their kinks or fetishes, therapy will be helpful by:

•Decreasing shame and self-judgment – understanding that these interests are more normative than not

Improving communication – helping people express their needs with their partners in healthy ways.

•Building self-acceptance – which will assist people to claim their desires without guilt.

That said, if a person’s sexual interest manifests itself in compulsive behavior or involves non-consensual urges, therapy may offer some skill development to assist that person in managing their behavior.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one therapeutic modality that will help a person alter thought patterns, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help individuals accept a desire and not act on it in morally harmful ways. The goal is not to suppress, but to reduce harm and control.

Acceptable until there is no Harm involved…

Human sexuality is multi-faceted, and there are a wide variety of “normal” expressions of desire. What one person finds compelling, another might not contemplate, and that is completely acceptable.

A sexual interest, if consensual, moral, and does not cause harm is simply a part of a person’s individual identity. The number one issue many individuals face is shame—messages from society that they internalize about their desires being “wrong” or “not normal.”

However, research shows that most kinks and fetishes do not cause harm and do not represent a mental illness. 

In fact, certain paraphilias have been removed from the DSM-5 because having a not-so-common interest is different than having a disorder.

Rather than asking is it “right” or “wrong”, psychology simply asks: Is this consensual? Does it bring joy or pleasure without causing harm? Is it something I feel in control of? If the answers ‘yes,’ then there is no shame in it. Individuals who struggle with guilt or confusion about their interests often find a therapeutic setting to explore these feelings more objectively.

Here are some case studies and treatments.

Case Study 1: Learning to Accept a Fetish

 Alex had always been embarrassed about his foot fetish. He was aware of it in high school, but never discussed with anyone, just assuming it was weird. As he got older, it became stressful to date.  He didn’t want to be judged, and shame had begun to undermine his confidence and desire to date. Eventually, Alex took the step to see a therapist.

Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Alex learned that the fetish wasn’t the issue, but his negative thoughts about it were. The therapist helped him challenge thoughts like “I’m abnormal,” and replaced them with objective facts that foot fetishes are fairly common and harmless so long as there is consent involved.

Eventually, he was able to start accepting his fetish and even began to share his preferences with his partner. Instead of feeling ashamed, he learned that embracing his desires could lead to a healthier, more fulfilling sex life.

Case Study 2: Handling Mismatched Sexual Preferences in a Partnership

Emma and Jake had been married for five years when they reached a stalemate in their sexual relationship. Emma enjoyed sensations of power in the bedroom and Jake did not.

Initially, they put an effort into ignoring it, although as more time went by, Emma began to feel like she was missing something in the relationship and Jake began to feel like he was being pressured. As that happened, they began to drift apart.

Rather than let resentment build, they sought to see a sex therapist.

The sex therapist guided Emma and Jake into “Sensate Focus” Therapy, which allowed the couple to reconnect physically and emotionally without sexual expectations. The couple went through guided exercises and, through practice, learned how to communicate their interests to one another.

Slowly but surely, they began to find a middle ground; Jake became more comfortable letting go of the control, and Emma felt that she was being heard. Their relationship improved overall when they learned how to communicate their sexual desires, without expression, freedom, and without fear of backlash.

Case Study 3: When a Paraphilia Becomes a Problem

Mark had a secret—he couldn’t stop himself from watching strangers in private moments. At first, it started as curiosity, but over time, it became an uncontrollable urge. He even got caught and faced legal trouble. He felt ashamed and guilty, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop.

A forensic psychologist diagnosed him with Voyeuristic Disorder, which means his urges were not just a preference but a compulsive behavior that harmed others.

His therapy focused on CBT and Impulse Control Therapy, helping him recognize his triggers and develop healthier coping strategies. Instead of acting on his impulses, he learned ways to redirect his thoughts and manage his urges. Therapy didn’t erase his desires, but it helped him regain control over them, allowing him to move forward without hurting others—or himself.

Therapies That Address Kinks, Fetishes, and Paraphilias

 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy is an effective treatment for individuals who feel guilt, shame, or compulsive urges related to their sexual interests. It ultimately aims to challenge the associated negative thoughts and develop coping strategies that are healthier, controlled specific behaviors.

Sensate Focus Therapy

It can be beneficial to couples who have different sexual preferences. Sensate focuses encourages intimacy without pressure and ultimately helps partners reconnect emotionally and physically.

Impulse Control Therapy

This can be used if the sexual urges are compulsive and become interfering with ideas, behaviors and ability to function in life. Its purpose is to help the sexual urges become recognized triggers, so the person can commence a controlled strategy to learning self-control.

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)

ACT helps promote self-acceptance and, instead of fighting the feelings; make peace with those desires. In ACT, it is engaged in a way that is ethical, with personal values defined.

At the end of the day, what matters most isn’t what you’re into it’s how you handle it.

Categories
Blog

The 15 Most Influential Psychologists in History

The 15 Most Influential Psychologists in History

Psychology is the study of the mind, and great thinkers over the centuries have influenced what we know about human behavior, feelings, and mental illness. From Freud’s discovery of the unconscious to Skinner’s behavior experiments, these psychologists revolutionized our perception of ourselves.

Why Psychology Matters More Than Ever

Today’s world of social media feeds and office stress, these psychologists’ concepts make sense of:

•Why you can’t stop scrolling (Skinner’s variable rewards)

•How adult relationships are influenced by childhood (Bowlby’s attachment theory)

•Why false news travels (Festinger’s cognitive dissonance)

Their 100-year-old theories foretell contemporary behaviors with chilling precision – demonstrating great psychology is ageless.

Here in this blog, we will learn about the 15 most influential psychologists in history, their revolutionary ideas, and how they continue to influence our lives today. Whether you’re a student, a curious thinker, or just someone who loves to learn about people, this list will take you on a fascinating journey through the minds of the great psychology thinkers.

1. Sigmund Freud (1856–1939) – The Father of Psychoanalysis

Freud is arguably the most well-known psychologist—and most contentious. He came up with the concept of the unconscious mind, where our secret desires and memories drive us.

Cool fact: Freud’s iconic couch wasn’t for relaxation alone—he used it to get patients to unwind so they’d talk openly. He was also a cigar aficionado (smoking 20 a day!) and thought they helped him think. Although his psychosexual stage theories are controversial now, his belief that childhood determines adulthood remains central in therapy.

Modern Impact:

Ever blamed your “daddy issues” on Freud? You’re not wrong! Phrases like “Freudian slip” (accidentally revealing hidden thoughts) and “Oedipus complex” are now part of everyday language. Even shows like The Sopranos use Freudian therapy scenes!

Key Idea: Psychoanalysis (talking therapy to uncover repressed thoughts).

Famous Ideas: Id, Ego, Superego; Oedipus Complex; Dream Interpretation.

Influence Now: Despite controversy about some of his ideas, Freud’s impact can be found everywhere—therapy, film, and the way we speak about child experience.

2. Carl Jung (1875–1961) – The Pioneer of the Collective Unconscious

Jung was a student of Freud but went on to formulate his own ideas. He postulated a collective unconscious—universal human impulses and symbols (archetypes) such as the Hero, the Shadow, and the Wise Old Man.

Key Idea: Personality types (Introvert vs. Extrovert).

Famous Concepts: Archetypes, Synchronicity, Individuation.

Impact Today: Myers-Briggs personality tests (derived from Jung’s work) are still used extensively in the workplace and self-help.

3. B.F. Skinner (1904–1990) – The Behaviorist Who Shaped Learning

Skinner thought behavior was shaped by rewards and punishment (not hidden thoughts). His legendary Skinner Box demonstrated how animals (and people) learn by skinner’s ideas are everywhere:

  • TikTok’s algorithm? Straight-up operant conditioning—you scroll on hoping for random rewards (viral videos).
  • Gamification: Fitness apps (such as Duolingo) utilize streaks and badges to get you addicted.
  • Parenting hack: Instead of yelling “Stop shouting!”, try “I love how quietly you’re playing!” (positive reinforcement).nces.

Key Idea: Operant Conditioning (reinforcement & punishment).

Famous Experiment: Pigeons trained to play ping-pong using rewards.

Impact Today: Used in education (reward systems), parenting, and even app design (think social media likes!).

4. Jean Piaget (1896–1980) – The Child Development Genius

Piaget observed children’s thinking as different from that of adults. Piaget learned that children progress through stages of cognitive growth (such as object permanence as infants).

Deeper Dive on Piaget

Mind-Blowing Piaget Fact:

He found kids’ logic isn’t “wrong” – it’s just alternative. When children claim that the moon is behind them, they aren’t speaking poetically; they truly believe it because of egocentrism (lack of ability to understand other people’s perspectives). Contemporary apps such as Khan Academy apply his stages to create lessons suitable for children’s ages.

Key Idea: Kids build knowledge based on experience.

Citation Famous Concept: Schema (mental structures for comprehending the world).

Impact Today: Modern education is based on his ideas (active learning, not just memorizing).

5. Abraham Maslow (1908–1970) – The Man Behind the “Hierarchy of Needs“

Maslow thought people are driven by needs, beginning with basic survival (food, safety) and progressing to self-actualization (realizing potential).

Key Idea: Humanistic psychology (not merely illness, but growth.).

Classic Pyramid: Physiological → Safety → Love → Esteem → Self-Actualization.

Influence Today: Applied in business (worker motivation), therapy, and self-help.

Modern Maslow

21st Century Update:

Maslow’s pyramid now has WiFi as a fundamental need! Researchers discovered internet connectivity is as important as housing for mental well-being (Journal of Applied Psychology, 2022). His hierarchy also accounts for:

•Why remote workers require virtual “love/belonging”

•Why Gen Z values self-actualization over job security

6. Carl Rogers (1902–1987) – The Founder of Person-Centered Therapy

Rogers trusted people have a self-motivating tendency to become better and cure themselves as long as the circumstances are ideal—empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard.

Central Thought: There ought to be client-centered therapy free from criticism and judgment.

Classic Quote: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Legacy Now: Current coaching and counseling implement his process.

7. Ivan Pavlov (1849–1936) – The Dog Salivation Experiment Fellow

Pavlov invented classical conditioning—how we come to connect things (such as a bell and food, and dogs salivating when they hear the bell).

Key Idea: Reflexes can be conditioned (Pavlovian response).

Famous Experiment: Salivating dogs at a bell.

Influence Today: Applied in treating phobias, advertising, and developing habits.

8. Albert Bandura (1925–2021) – The “Bobo Doll” Psychologist

Bandura demonstrated we learn through observation (social learning theory). His Bobo doll experiment demonstrated children copying violent actions.

Key Concept: Observational learning (monkey see, monkey do).

Infamous Idea: Self-efficacy (conviction in being able to perform).

Influence Today: Helps shape education, parenting, and media influence (e.g., violent video game controversy).

9. Erik Erikson (1902–1994) – The Psychosocial Stages Theorist

Erikson built on Freud’s theory by stating personality grows throughout life in 8 psychosocial stages (such as “Trust vs. Mistrust” during infancy or “Identity vs. Role Confusion” during adolescence).

Key Idea: Development throughout life (not only childhood).

Famous Concept: Identity Crisis (adolescent struggle for self).

Impact Today: Applied in education, career guidance, and explaining midlife crises.

10. Lev Vygotsky (1896–1934) – The Social Development Theorist

Vygotsky thought learning is social—children learn best with support (teachers, peers) in the Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD).

Key Idea: Collaborative learning (scaffolding).

Famous Quote: “Through others, we become ourselves.”

Impact Today: Contemporary teaching techniques (group work, mentoring).

11. Wilhelm Wundt (1832–1920) – The Father of Experimental Psychology

Wundt established the first psychology lab in 1879, making psychology a science (not mere philosophy).

Key Idea: Introspection (examining conscious thoughts).

Famous Fact: First to refer to himself as a “psychologist.”

Impact Today: All contemporary psychology studies are based on his approach.

12. William James (1842–1910) – The Pragmatic Psychologist

James authored the first psychology textbook and emphasized how the mind works in everyday life (functionalism).

Key Idea: Stream of consciousness (thoughts are continuous).

Famous Book: The Principles of Psychology (1890).

Impact Today: Shaped contemporary cognitive psychology.

13. Anna Freud (1895–1982) – The Pioneer of Child Psychoanalysis

Freud’s daughter extended his research to kids, examining defense mechanisms (such as denial, repression).

Key Idea: Child psychology & developmental psychology.

Famous Concept: Defense Mechanisms.

Impact Today: School counseling and child psychology.

14. Stanley Milgram (1933–1984) – The Obedience Experiment Psychologist

Milgram shocked the world with his obedience experiments, demonstrating that people would hurt others if told to do so by an authority figure.

Key Idea: People obey authority, even contrary to morals.

Famous Experiment: “Teacher” delivering phony electric shocks.

Impact Today: Ethics of research, comprehending atrocities such as Nazi Germany.

15. Daniel Kahneman (1934–Present) – The Behavioral Economics Mastermind

Kahneman merged psychology and economics, demonstrating how people irrationally make choices (such as dreading losses more than enjoying gains).

Key Idea: Cognitive biases (System 1 & System 2 thinking).

Iconic Book: Thinking, Fast and Slow (2011).

Impact Today: Applied in marketing, finance, and policymaking.

Forgotten Pioneers

Underappreciated But Revolutionary:

•Mamie Phipps Clark (1917-1983): Her experiments with dolls showed segregation damaged the self-image of Black children, referenced in Brown v. Board of Education.

•Leta Hollingworth (1886-1939): Disproved men’s “truisms” about women’s “emotional instability” when menstruating.

•Muzafer Sherif (1906-1988): Demonstrated the development of conflicts between groups (aiding insight into contemporary political polarization).

These researchers altered the course of history but were airbrushed from textbooks – until now.

Did You Know?

Pavlov: His dogs didn’t only drool—some would sleep to the bell if conditioned with lullabies!

Jung: He used to have terrifying nightmares about zombies, which influenced his shadow theory.

Milgram: 65% of participants followed orders to administer “fatal” shocks—even while sweating and nervously laughing with stress.

Interactive Challenge

Psychologist or Instagram Quote?

Who said what:

1. “The unexamined life is not worth living”

a) Socrates b) Freud c) Your wellness influencer

2. “We are what we repeatedly do”

a) Aristotle b) Skinner c) A Pinterest poster

(Answers: 1a, 2a – proof that ancient insights get rebranded as new-age wisdom!)

Final Thoughts: Why These Psychologists Matter

These 15 thinkers didn’t just study the mind—they changed how we see ourselves. From Freud’s couch to Skinner’s pigeons, their ideas shape therapy, education, business, and even how we use social media.

Which psychologist’s research intrigues you the most? Let us know in the comments!

And if you liked this, pass it along to a friend who’s a people person—because psychology is all about people.

Keep thinking, keep growing!

Categories
Personality Psychology

Ambivert vs Omnivert – The Ultimate Battle of the ‘In-Between’ Personalities!

Difference between ambivert and omnivert

Terms can be misleading. No more so than when describing personality types. We’ve all heard of extroverts (the party people) and introverts (the homebodies who want to prove your social media stats is actually accurate).

Then there are the in-betweeners—ambiverts and omniverts—who leave us wondering what we ever thought we knew about people interaction.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I an ambivert or an omnivert? Or am I just lost?”—don’t worry. You’re not alone!

Let’s demystify.

Meet the Ambivert: The Middle-Ground Champion

Imagine an ambivert as a middle child of an introvert and an extrovert. They’re like that one friend who likes to go out but don’t have to be the life of the party. They live for social interaction and solitude—balance is their secret ingredient.

How to Identify an Ambivert?

  • They enjoy socializing and yet love having a quiet evening by themselves.
  • They aren’t easily drained by crowds, but they don’t require endless social contact either.
  • They can engage in deep, substantive conversations and joke like a stand-up comedian.
  • They are high-energy one day and bed-hopping another.
  • They don’t feel “out of place” among people, but they don’t have an endless desire for it.

Ambiverts are like social chameleons—they can easily blend into different social settings without feeling drained or forced. They naturally adjust to different people and situations, knowing when to be talkative and when to stay quiet. Unlike extroverts, who thrive on constant interaction, or introverts, who prefer solitude, ambiverts strike a balance. They can enjoy socializing but also appreciate alone time.

The ambivert’s ability to adapt without much effort makes them comfortable in almost any situation.

Welcome the Omnivert: The ‘All-or-Nothing’ Individual

Now, omniverts are something else. They don’t balance introversion and extroversion like ambiverts do. They swing wildly between the two. One day, they’re the loudest, most social person in the room.

The next? They may ghost everyone for weeks. It’s not mood swings—it’s just the way their personality is.

How to Spot an Omnivert

  • They have very social phases. They’re chatting constantly one day and avoiding people the next.
  • They love parties or absolutely hate them—there’s no middle ground.
  • Others are often perplexed by their actions—”Weren’t you extremely chatty last time?”
  • They require time to recover from being around people, but when they return, they’re 1000% energized.
  • They don’t only adjust to social environments; they change personalities based on their mood.
Short and sweet?

Omniverts are the mood swings of the personality sphere. When they’re extroverting, they’re the life of the party. When they’re introverting, they vanish like magic.

Ambivert vs. Omnivert – The Ultimate Face-Off

1. Control Over Their Social Battery

Ambiverts have a consistent social battery. They don’t run out of energy too fast, but they also don’t overcharge.

Omniverts? They either have full battery or 0% battery—nothing in between.

2. Predictability

Ambiverts are predictable. You generally know how they’ll behave in different situations.

Omniverts? Unpredictable. One day they’ll be the most social person you know, and the next, they’ll vanish.

3. Social Preferences

Ambiverts adapt to social interactions; they don’t get overwhelmed or depleted too fast.

Omniverts alternate between needing to be around people and avoiding them altogether.

4. Energy Levels

Ambiverts experience an even energy stream.

Omniverts? Everything or nothing. They’re either the most vocal in the room or the most silent.

Struggles of Ambiverts & Omniverts in Friendships, Relationships & Personality Tests

Being an ambivert or an omnivert is basically the best of both worlds, isn’t it? You can be social and have alone time.

But life? It’s not as easy as it looks—particularly when it comes to friendships, relationships, and even personality tests! Let’s discuss the issues nobody prepares you for.

1. The ‘Hot & Cold’ Problem in Friendships

One day, you’re the party animal. The next, you’re avoiding texts and just want to be left alone. This gets confusing.

  • Your friends might believe you’re getting bored or are being moody when really you just need some space.
  • Some people will even think that you’re pretending to be your personality, which is infuriating.
  • Plans are difficult because you really have no idea how you’ll be feeling that day.

For ambiverts, this is not as drastic because their social energy is consistent. But omniverts? They experience extreme personality changes, and that makes having friends difficult.

2. Relationships Feel Like a Tug of War

Dating as an ambivert or omnivert is a wild ride. Why? Because your social needs and energy levels keep changing.

  • You crave deep conversations but then suddenly crave alone time.
  • You like to go out with your partner, but the next time they invite you, you’d prefer to stay at home.
  • Your partner might feel as though they’re dating two individuals, which creates misunderstandings.

With omniverts, this is even more extreme. They can be really clingy one day and totally distant the next—not because they don’t care, but because their personality changes naturally. And let’s be honest, not everyone gets that.

3. The Struggle with the Personality Test

Ever sit down to take a personality test and think, “None of these questions fit me”? Yeah, you’re not alone.

  • Most tests are black and white—you’re either introverted or extroverted. But what if you’re both?
  • You could get a different result each time you take the test, and wonder: Who am I really?
  • Others may think they have put a label on you due to a test that doesn’t do you justice.

Ambiverts tend to rate somewhere in between, but omniverts? Their results could be scattered left and right according to the state of their minds that particular day.

Why Ambiverts and Omniverts Are So Misunderstood

Being an ambivert or an omnivert is like being in the middle of two worlds—introverted at times, extroverted at times, but never completely one or the other.

And guess what? This confuses people a lot.

People expect you to be either a social butterfly or a quiet, reserved person. But one day you’re the party animal and the next day you just need to be by yourself, and that leaves them completely bewildered. Friends may wonder, “Why are you being so quiet today? Are you angry?” when you’re just happy to have some space. Or they’ll say, “You never want to go out!” the day after you’ve spent a whole week going out.

Omniverts, specifically, become most misunderstood since their transition between social and reserved isn’t merely subtle—it’s drastic. They may be the life of the party and then vanish for days, requiring recharging. Their inconsistencies make people believe that they’re moody, insincere, or unreliable. What they’re actually doing is simply operating on a different wavelength.

Emotional Burnout: The Hidden Struggle

Imagine having to constantly adjust your personality based on your energy levels. One day, you’re vibing with everyone, and the next, even a simple conversation feels exhausting. This constant push and pull between being social and needing alone time can be mentally draining.

Ambiverts experience this burnout because they’re constantly balancing their desire for people time with their desire for alone time. If they push it too far—too many parties, too much chatter, too much “people time”—they crash. And if they stay isolated for too long, they become restless and disconnected.

For omniverts, the burnout is even more severe. Their personality shifts are stronger, so it’s more difficult for them to handle. One minute they’re pumped up and loving being around people, but when their energy depletes, they crash and burn. This abrupt shift makes even mundane daily tasks—such as responding to texts or chatting small talk—feel draining.

Which One Are You?

Still lost? Here’s a quick quiz to determine which one you are:

• Do you like socializing but also need your alone time? → Ambivert.

• Are your social patterns steady without drastic mood swings? → Ambivert.

• Do you go through drastic periods of being very social and then withdrawing completely? → Omnivert.

• Do family and friends often say, “You’ve changed so much since the last time!”? → Omnivert.

• Do you find it easy to socialize without becoming exhausted or feeling overwhelmed? → Ambivert.

If you answered primarily 1s & 2s, well done! You’re an ambivert—the even social butterfly.

If you answered primarily 3s, 4s & 5s, you’re an omnivert—the personality wild card.

Final thoughts

There is no “better” personality type; whether you are an ambivert or an omnivert, each has its own appeal. Some people remain balanced and consistent, whilst others fluctuate depending on their mood, energy, or circumstances. That’s what makes us so interesting! Ambiverts have a natural ability to adapt to a variety of situations.

Omniverts, on the other hand, may be unexpected and alternate between extremes. Instead of worrying about labels, just accept who you are. Life would be quite boring if everyone was divided into nice little groups. Our differences set us apart, which is what makes life so interesting and enjoyable. After all, our own personalities, experiences, and viewpoints impact how we interact with the environment. Embracing your identity allows you to grow, learn, and form meaningful relationships. Whether you enjoy change or prefer stability, each trait has its own beauty. At the end of the day, authenticity is what really counts.

Categories
Dark Personality Psychology Blog

Reverse Psychology: What Is It, and Does It Work?

reverse psychology what is it and how it works

Introduction

Have you ever been told not to do something, only to feel an overwhelming urge to do it anyway? That’s reverse psychology in action! This clever psychological technique plays on human nature, often influencing people’s decisions without them even realizing it. But what exactly is reverse psychology, how does it work, and is it truly effective? Let’s dive into this fascinating psychological strategy and uncover its secrets.

What Is Reverse Psychology?

Reverse psychology is particularly effective because it taps into an individual’s natural desire to assert control over their decisions. When people perceive that their ability to make choices is being threatened, they subconsciously work to reclaim their autonomy. This technique is often used subtly in different aspects of life, influencing behavior without the individual realizing they are being guided toward a specific outcome. It is especially useful when dealing with strong-willed individuals who are more likely to resist direct instructions.

One of the reasons reverse psychology works so well is that it plays on emotions, particularly pride and competitiveness. In the example of the child and the messy room, the challenge sparks a competitive instinct, making the child more likely to engage in the desired behavior. This approach can also be seen in education, where teachers might say, “This math problem is really difficult; only the best students can solve it.” Students who seek validation or recognition may feel motivated to prove they are capable. The same principle applies to workplace environments, where employees might be encouraged to outperform expectations if they believe a task is too difficult or unattainable.

Similarly, in social situations, reverse psychology can be a powerful tool for persuasion. If someone is hesitant to try something new, framing it as something exclusive or beyond their reach can make it more appealing. By carefully crafting suggestions, individuals can encourage desired behaviors while allowing the other person to feel in control of their choices. This technique is also commonly used in relationships, where making something seem unavailable or unattainable can increase its perceived value. Whether in parenting, education, the workplace, or social interactions, reverse psychology remains a subtle yet powerful way to influence human behavior.

The Science Behind Reverse Psychology

Reverse psychology is rooted in a concept called psychological reactance theory, proposed by Jack Brehm in 1966. According to this theory, when people feel their freedom to make choices is threatened, they experience psychological discomfort and strive to regain control by doing the opposite of what they are being told.

This is why teenagers often rebel when parents enforce strict rules. The more someone feels pressured, the stronger their urge to do the opposite. This phenomenon is not limited to just teenagers; adults also exhibit similar behavior when they perceive that their autonomy is being challenged.

For example, in a workplace setting, if an employee is micromanaged and constantly told what to do, they may resist or intentionally perform tasks in their own way to regain a sense of control.

Psychological reactance also influences consumer behavior. When customers are told that a particular product is “exclusive” or “not available to everyone,” they develop a greater desire for it. The sense of limitation makes them feel like their choice is being restricted, prompting them to act in ways that restore their perceived freedom.

Case Study: Reverse Psychology in Action

A famous experiment on psychological reactance was conducted by Dr. Sharon Brehm. In her study, young children were presented with two toys, but one was placed behind a barrier. Predictably, the children showed more interest in the toy that was restricted, reinforcing the idea that people desire what they cannot have.

This phenomenon has been observed in multiple real-world situations. For instance, in relationships, when one person suddenly becomes unavailable or disinterested, the other may start pursuing them more aggressively. This explains why playing “hard to get” is often seen as an effective dating strategy.

Similarly, in political settings, when governments impose bans or restrictions on certain activities, people may be more likely to engage in them. For example, strict censorship laws may encourage individuals to seek out banned content, not necessarily because they need it, but because they feel their right to access information is being controlled.

How the Brain Reacts to Reverse Psychology

Neuroscientific studies have shown that when people feel their autonomy is being challenged, their brain’s amygdala, responsible for emotional responses, becomes highly active. This triggers a defensive reaction, increasing the likelihood of resistance. Additionally, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and reasoning, also plays a role by weighing the risk and reward of rebelling against instructions.

In simpler terms, when someone is told they can’t do something, their brain instinctively prioritizes that action, making it seem even more appealing. This neural interplay explains why reverse psychology is such a powerful tool when used strategically.

The Role of Dopamine in Reactance

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with motivation and pleasure, is another factor in psychological reactance. Studies suggest that the anticipation of regaining control or proving someone wrong triggers a dopamine release, making the action feel rewarding. This chemical response strengthens a person’s resolve to resist control and do the opposite of what is suggested.

Real-World Implications of Psychological Reactance

Understanding the neuroscience behind reverse psychology can help professionals in fields like marketing, therapy, and leadership craft more effective communication strategies.

An example

In therapy, counselors might use strategic reverse psychology techniques to encourage behavioral change in resistant clients.

In marketing, brands can create desire by subtly limiting access to products, making them more desirable due to perceived scarcity.

Where Is Reverse Psychology Used?

Reverse psychology isn’t just a fun trick used in everyday conversations; it has practical applications in various fields, including:

1. Parenting

Parents often use reverse psychology to encourage children to make better choices. For instance, instead of forcing a child to eat vegetables, a parent might say, “You probably wouldn’t like this broccoli; it’s only for grown-ups.” This makes the child curious and more likely to try it.

2. Marketing and Sales

Advertisers and marketers frequently use reverse psychology to influence consumer behavior. Limited-time offers like “Only 10 items left in stock!” create urgency and make people more likely to buy a product. Some brands even use anti-advertising, like when a company says, “This product isn’t for everyone,” making people more intrigued.

A well-known example is Apple’s marketing strategy. Instead of begging customers to buy their products, they create a sense of exclusivity, making people feel privileged to own an Apple device.

3. Relationships and Social Interactions

Ever noticed how people sometimes want something more when they’re told they can’t have it? Reverse psychology can work in relationships too. For instance, instead of begging someone to stay, saying “I understand if you want to leave” might make them reconsider their decision.

4. Workplace and Leadership

Managers sometimes use reverse psychology to motivate employees. For example, a boss might say, “I’m not sure if this project is possible in such a short time,” which could challenge a determined employee to prove them wrong by completing it efficiently.

5. Education and Teaching

Teachers sometimes use reverse psychology to encourage students to study. For example, telling students that a particular topic is too difficult for them may push them to work harder to prove otherwise. This method can be particularly effective in motivating students who are naturally competitive or curious.

Reverse Psychology in Media and Entertainment

Reverse psychology is widely used in media, films, and advertising campaigns to engage audiences and shape narratives.

Movies and TV shows often use reverse psychology to increase curiosity. If a film is banned or labeled controversial, people become more eager to watch it.

Music and book industries sometimes use forbidden content as a way to boost sales. Songs labeled “explicit” often attract higher viewership due to curiosity.

A famous example of reverse psychology in media was the Blair Witch Project (1999). The filmmakers marketed the movie as a real-life found footage documentary, making audiences desperate to uncover the truth, which led to its massive success.

Ethical Considerations of Reverse Psychology

While reverse psychology can be a useful tool, it must be used ethically. Manipulating someone into making a decision against their will or best interest can be harmful. If used too frequently, it can erode trust in personal and professional relationships.

An example

In therapy, professionals must be cautious when applying reverse psychology. If a client recognizes the manipulation, they may feel betrayed.

In marketing, companies must ensure they are not misleading consumers in ways that exploit their psychological tendencies unethically.

To use reverse psychology ethically, it should be employed with positive intentions and in a way that respects the other person’s autonomy.

Conclusion

Reverse psychology is a fascinating psychological tool that plays on human nature and our need for autonomy. When used correctly, it can be an effective strategy in parenting, marketing, relationships, leadership, and media. However, it should be used responsibly to maintain trust and ethical integrity.

It’s important to remember that while reverse psychology can be powerful, it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. The key is to use it wisely, ethically, and in the right situations.

Have you ever used reverse psychology successfully? Share your experiences in the comments below

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Blog History of Psychology

History of Lobotomy: A Tragic Tale In Medical History

history of lobotomy

The Treatment That Caused Suffering

Imagine yourself in this scenario: confronting mental health issues. In the case that you struggle with anxiety, depression, or any other ailments, you seek medical help, but when you awaken after treatment, you seem to be trapped in a body that doesn’t feel like yours.

Words fail to explain and echoing in your mind are mixed emotions of self-identity and confusion which has consumed you. It sounds like a bad dream, doesn’t it? This is what so many people of the mid 20th century struggled with. It shocked them. These people who became the primary candidates for suffering from a severe medical condition known as a Lobotomy, where deep tears of hope were at once brought and immense pain, metaphorically speaking, implemented.

Lobotomy is considered today one of the most significant blunders in medical history. The fact remains true that the horrors of such practices did exist. It does beg the question however, why did society posses such naivety? Why was society so late in understanding the perils this medical excursion came with? Let’s try to shed some light on this and try to answer the endless questions swirling around this dark tale.

What Is Lobotomy?

Lobotomy was a surgical procedure where doctors would cut the connections between the frontal lobe (the part of the brain responsible for emotions, decision-making, and personality) and the rest of the brain. The idea was simple: by disrupting these connections, they could “fix” mental illnesses like schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety.

But here’s the catch: while some patients seemed calmer after the surgery, many were left emotionally numb, mentally impaired, and completely dependent on others. What started as a treatment for severe mental illnesses soon became a quick fix for all sorts of “problems”—misbehaving kids, “difficult” women, and even soldiers suffering from PTSD. It was less about healing and more about control.

Before Lobotomy: The Violence of Early Psychiatry

To trace how lobotomy became an option in psychiatry, it is important to explore its predecessors. Starting from the early 1900s, treating mental health was in shambles. Medical practitioners had no clue what mental illnesses were, and it was nothing short of watching a dangerous “therapeutic” circus. Here are some of the most shocking “therapies:”

Trepanation: Guy’s literally drilling the skull to let “evil spirits” out by opening some holes onto them.

Insulin Coma Therapy: Infusing patients with insulin hoping it would “restart” their brain and put them into a coma.

Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT): Putting shocks into patients and hoping to trigger seizures (surprisingly used today, but in a better version).

Cold Water Therapy: Prisons treating patients who behaved in ways shockingly to their ice cold dunking waters.

Mental Asylums: These were institutions that were primarily overcrowded and under funded, where patients were simply neglected and abused.

With all of these considered, lobotomy seemed like the less stupid alternative. One thing positive is that lobotomy portrayed itself as a scientific breakthrough when in reality it was simply another form of cruelty disguised as surgery.

The Birth of Lobotomy: A Deadly Concept

What we know now as lobotomy was pioneered by António Egas Moniz, a Portuguese neurologist, in the 1930s. According to Moniz, mental illness was brought on by overactive neural linkages within the brain. His remedy? Cut those links. His initial experiments were a matter of injecting alcohol into the brain to damage tissue, but he eventually designed a surgical process to actually sever or scrape off brain tissue.

Moniz’s work caught on, and in 1949, he was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine. That’s right—you read it here—a procedure as barbaric as lobotomy was once hailed as a medical miracle. This approval lent a patina of respectability to lobotomy, and physicians worldwide started using it.

The Ice Pick Lobotomy: A New Level of Horror

Although Moniz began the lobotomy phenomenon, it was

Walter Freeman, an American doctor, who escalated it to an entire new realm of terror. Freeman created the transorbital lobotomy, a process that could be performed in a matter of minutes using minimal machinery. Here’s how it was done: Freeman would place a sharp object (usually looking like an ice pick) through the patient’s eye socket, hammer it to shatter the bone, and then move it around to cut brain wires.

Freeman received no professional training in surgery, but that did not deter him. He toured the U.S. in his “Lobotomobile,” operating on thousands of patients in hospitals, clinics, and even temporary facilities. By the 1950s, more than 50,000 lobotomies had been done in America alone.

Who Were the Victims?

Lobotomy was not restricted to the severely mentally ill. It was performed on anyone who was “difficult” or “hard to handle. This is who was most vulnerable:

Women: Many women with depression, anxiety, or postpartum psychosis were lobotomized in order to make them more “compliant” and “easy to manage.”

Children: Children who acted poorly or had emotional problems were likely to undergo this surgery, likely because their parents or guardians were frustrated.

Soldiers: World War II veterans diagnosed with PTSD on their return received lobotomies instead of appropriate treatment by mental professionals.

Marginalized Groups: Individuals who had defied social norms—namely women, minorities, and the poor—were more frequently targeted.

Perhaps the saddest story was Rosemary Kennedy President John F. Kennedy’s sister. Rosemary was 23 when she underwent a lobotomy in the hope of “curing” her mood swings and learning disabilities. The procedure left her speechless and incapable of caring for herself, and she spent the remainder of her life in an institution.

How Lobotomy Destroyed Lives

Lobotomy often had awful repercussions.

Emotional Numbness: Many people completely lost their capacity to experience happiness, grief, or thrill.

Memory loss, disorientation, and problems with daily activities were prevalent in people with cognitive impairment.

Deficient of Character: Patients grown to be passive, indifferent, and lacking their prior selves.

Physical complications: Some patients died, developed infections, or had seizures as a result of the surgery.

Lobotomy for many deprived them of their humanity as well as failed to heal their disease.

Case Study: Howard Dully: A Child Victim

Howard Dully was just 12 years old when Walter Freeman performed a lobotomy on him. He had been tagged by his stepmother as “difficult” and “unruly,” and Freeman believed a lobotomy would correct him. The procedure left Howard with emotional damage and learning disabilities for many years. In his book, My Lobotomy, Dully recounts his process of learning about what had been done to him and reclaiming control of his life.

Case Study: Rosemary Kennedy: A Silenced Life

Rosemary Kennedy’s life demonstrates how lobotomy was employed to manage individuals. She was a lively young woman before her lobotomy, but she was disabled for life afterward. Her disability was concealed by her family, and she lived the rest of her life in seclusion.

Fall of Lobotomy

1960s saw lobotomy going out of style. Its downfall was caused by several things:

Psychiatric drugs such Thorazine provided a safer, more efficient solution for mental illness treatment.

Media Exposure: Journalists and activists began to expose the horrors of lobotomy, sparking public outrage. A viewing of media.

Ethical Concerns: Increasingly under fire was the medical sector for the ethical consequences of lobotomy.

Legal reforms: Acts and rules were enacted to shield patients from invasive treatment.

Lobotomy had by the 1970s mostly been discarded and consigned as a warning from the annals of medical history. Popular culture bears an enduring legacy from lobotomy. The terrible consequences of the therapy have been investigated in works like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and The Lobotomist.

Ethical Lessons: Might It Reappear?

Lobotomy’s story raises significant ethical issues regarding the part of science and medicine in society. Some techniques under discussion include: rare medication that may one day be seen as abhorrent or cruel.

Still used in some cases, not withstanding the risks and controversies, electroshock therapy.

Overmedication: The pervasive use of psychiatric drugs—especially in youngsters—has raised questions about overprescription and long term repercussions.

Neurosurgery for Mental Disorders: Radical operations like deep brain stimulation have disquieting parallels with lobotomy.

Upcoming Technologies: In the future, brain implants and AIdriven therapy could present fresh ethical issues.

Final Thoughts: Knowledge from the past.

Lobotomy serves as a sharp reminder of what can result when science is followed without consideration of ethics or humanity. It highlights the need of thorough investigation, informed permission, and a will to protect the autonomy and dignity of patients.

Advancing constantly in the medical field demands we stay alert so our search of perfection never damages our humankind. More than just a historical curiosity, the history of lobotomy is a warning story that calls us to consider the ideals driving our behavior and the heritage we aspire to leave behind.

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Blog

How to stop suffering from Painful Emotions

How to stop suffering from painful emotions

The Overthinking Olympics at 2 AM

You’ve had a full day, and now it’s 2 AM. You’re getting ready to sleep, but instead of becoming slumberous, your regretful thoughts come marching back to life: “Remember that thing that embarrassed you in 7th grade?” That now seemingly innocent memory, guess what, triggers every painful and regretfully embarrassment you’ve ever had.

Does that ring a bell to you? It’s relatable to all of us.

These emotions are difficult because they are exhausting; your energy evaporates when you need it most, leading you into loops of regret and self-hatred. It is almost like quicksand because the more you attempt to escape, the harder your situation becomes. This is where strong motivation is needed but making escapes painful. What if I told you do not have to bear such torturous suffering?

You probably would not believe me, but I promise this is not one of those inspirational “Just be guides” to help ease the pain. It is practical, psychology-enabled, stunningly creative, and entertaining… Yet, so effortless. It stops the need for painful emotions from disrupting the peace in your mind.

So, what are we waiting for? Let’s began, shall we?

Why Do We Cling to Emotional Pain? (Such as an Old, Ugly Hoodie We Won’t Let Go Of)

Have you ever noticed how we hold onto our old emotional hurt like it is a VIP membership to the trauma club? We re-experience painful moments, replay exchanges in our mind, and overthink every cringe-worthy moment.

But why?

Your Brain Thinks It’s Helping (But It’s Actually Bothering You)
Your brain is like that overly protective friend who keeps bringing up embarrassing moments because it believes it’s “teaching you a lesson.” It believes that if you keep recalling painful memories, you won’t repeat the same mistakes.

Except… that’s not how it works.

Re-living past pain doesn’t stop future pain—it just makes you unhappy in the moment. It’s like re-watching a sad movie over and over again and hoping for a different ending.

Reality Check! Your past mistakes don’t define you. They are just bad scenes in the movie of your life, not the whole story.

Step 1: The “Movie Theatre” Trick (Detach from Your Feelings Like a Popcorn-Eating Audience Member)

Picture your hurt feelings as a film being shown on a large screen. Rather than being the starring character sinking in emotions, you’re merely a relaxed spectator sitting there watching it happen.

How to Do It:

  • Rather than saying: “Ugh, I’m so sad. I hate this feeling.”
  • Say this: “Oh, look! Sadness has joined the party. Let’s see how long it lasts.”

This trick is effective because it dissociates you from your feelings. You’re not your sorrow—you’re just feeling it, as if you were observing a rainstorm from your window rather than standing in the rain.

Step 2: The “It Is What It Is” Mindset (A.K.A Stop Wrestling Reality Like a WWE Fighter)

The majority of our misery stems from fighting reality.

  • “This shouldn’t have happened to me.”
  • “Life is so unfair.”
  • “Why me?!”

Reality doesn’t care about what should have happened—it just happened.

How to Stop the Fight:

Swap “Why me?” with “Okay, what’s next?”

Focus on what’s in your control instead of obsessing over what isn’t.

Accept that sometimes life is a chaotic mess, and that’s okay.
Consider it this way: If you spill your ice-cream cone on the floor, you don’t just sit there sobbing about gravity laws.

You just… order another ice-cream.

Step 3: The “Reframe Game” (Converting Pain into a Sitcom Episode)

Have you ever noticed how comedians take their worst life moments and make them into jokes? That’s because humor is an emotional resilience cheat code.

How to Reframe Your Struggles

Instead of: “I got rejected from my dream job. My life is over.”
Try: “Guess the universe is saving me for a better job where I don’t have to survive on instant noodles.”

Instead of: “I embarrassed myself in front of my crush.”
Try: “Well, at least I gave them an interesting story to tell.”
Pain + Time = Comedy. Why not then skip the process and laugh already?

Step 4: The “Time Machine” Trick (Because Your Problems Won’t Matter in 5 Years Anyway)

Right now, whatever is frustrating you can feel like the apocalypse.

But let’s get real

  • Think about an issue that felt MASSIVE five years ago.
  • Does it bother you now? Probably not.
  • Apply the same logic to your situation now.

Most of what feels utterly catastrophic right now will be a footnote in your story.

Future You is already so done—so why begin slow?

Step 5: Don’t Be a Victim—Be the Star Instead

No one likes a movie where the central character just laments and expects something to get better. The best tales are those whose protagonists struggle, adapt, and grow.

Flip the Script

“Why is this happening to me?”
“What is this teaching me?”

“Life is against me.”
“This is my ‘training’ —time to level up.”

Rather than playing yourself as some hapless supporting character, be the hard-as-nails leading character who makes it through things, not the guy waiting for life to get decent.

Step 6: Release the Emotion Before It Turns Into an Emotional Explosion

Bottling things up is like shaking a bottle of soda—it’s going to burst one of these days.

How to Let It Out (Without Freaking People Out)

Write It Down: Journaling isn’t just for teens’ angst—it really does help process emotions.

Talk It Out: Friend, therapist, or even your pet will suffice.

Move Your Body: Dance, exercise, or even scream into a pillow if necessary.

Sorrowful feelings are guests—arrive and depart. But only if you don’t imprison them within.

Step 7: Gratitude Focus (Because Your Brain is a Drama Queen and Needs a Reality Check)

Your brain adores emphasizing what is amiss in your life. What if you forced it to pay attention to what is right?

The Gratitude Hack

  • Each day, write down 3 things you’re thankful for.
  • Look for something good, even when times are bad.
  • Rather than “Life sucks,” say “Okay, but at least I have WiFi and pizza.”

Gratitude is not about pretending problems don’t exist—it’s about seeing that there’s more to life than them.

Final Thoughts: Your Brain Loves to Mess with You—Call Its Bluff

Let’s be real your brain is like that one friend who gets freaked out about everything.

Spill some coffee? “Your whole day is ruined.”

Text without an emoji? “They hate you now.”

Be sad for five minutes? “This is your personality forever.”

The brain loves to elaborate on everything little. One embarrassing incident becomes a disaster movie with you as the star.

The good news?

You’re not obligated to watch this silliness if you don’t desire to. You will hurt. You will embarrass yourself in front of people. You might have an awkward utterance and brain slap yourself silly with it for three years every time you’re showering. You might end up with a heartbreak, a bruised ego, or a trial on your patience.

But suffering?

It is a choice, like a haircut that didn’t turn out well: you can sob over it for half a year or just cover it up with a hat and get on with things.

And the beauty of it all? Half the things your brain freaks about never happen. Ever spent hours dreading something embarrassing happening, only to realize nobody even cared? That’s your brain faking out on you. It’s like a bad psychic predicting doom that never arrives. Your brain loves to replay the awful stuff on repeat, like a DJ stuck on a sad song. But the thing is—nobody else is recalling that moment when you flubbed a word in class or waved at someone who wasn’t waving back. Everybody’s too busy acting out their own inner soap operas.

Instead of allowing your mind to be the director sitting in the chair and making your life a tragedy, rewrite the script. Welcome your embarrassing moments as bloopers, not breaking news.

Laugh at yourself. Take credit for the weirdness of being human.

Next time your mind is trying to persuade you to think that you’re doomed, treat it like an over-the-top friend: nod, smile, and pay it no mind at all.

You’ve survived all the crappy days so far, and I’m sorry to spoil it for your overthinking, but you’re going to survive this one too.

And the next one.

And the next one.

Until one day you find yourself looking around and wondering why you ever let your brain’s bad stories control your life in the first place.