There is often no psychological state that is more painful than experiencing the death of a loved one.

 It could be a parent, who nourished you throughout your life. It could be a family member, a sibling, a cousin, a grandparent who you had great memories with. But they are no longer in this world.

Their death makes you realize that you cannot talk to them. One realizes that they can no longer confide in that person, or comfort that person, or be comforted by that person. If it was a friend, the loss of meet-ups and hangouts that you used to have frequently further cement certain negative emotions. Suddenly, the emotional support that they gave you, seems to vanish in thin air. Research indicates that the closer the loved one, the more significant the distress.

While interventions to help bereavement have their fair share of controversy, I believe that some interventions can be helpful. I am forced to believe this as bereavement has now been excepted as a possible circumstance for symptoms of major depression.

In cases such as these, I, as a clinician have to first understand the level of attachment my patient had with the deceased. I have to judge, through both standardized and subjective tests, my patient’s personality, their life history, their connections and friends, the depth of the association with the deceased and also how they normally tend to cope in these situations.

The management plan starts and shifts with the results of the assessment.

However, I have found certain concepts that work with a large number of patients.

In this essay, I will talk about 3 basic psychological methods by which you can get through this tough period.

Controlled Catharsis

Catharsis is often used as a term of drama and theatre wherein the central tension of a character’s story or of the plot itself, reaches a climax.

In the psychological literature, catharsis has a controversial reputation. This is because the word catharsis is used almost synonymously with venting.

Berkowitz showed in 1962 that actively reacting against someone who has hurt you doesn’t make you less hostile. In fact, it might make you more hostile. This is an important discovery because most people strongly believe that ‘venting’ is a helpful way to deal with anger.

However, there is a major difference between ‘venting’ and ‘controlled catharsis.’

As Thomas Scheff puts it, catharsis in a secure setting is very much like expressive art.

Hence, what I mean by ‘controlled catharsis’ is the expression of disturbing emotions in a controlled manner.

Write about your emotions. Write down your thoughts about the person who you lost. In fact, you could write to your deceased beloved, showing your emotions and what you miss about them.

However, it is important to remember that the point of catharsis is not to explode onto the paper. Rather, it is to let your feelings out in actual words, sentences, drawings or whatever format of writing you prefer.

Plan an Activity

There is significant evidence for how engaging in physical activities could help a person recover from the loss of a loved one. Martial arts, yoga, running, and walks can all be very good for you. Physical exercise also gives you a sense of freedom, lets you share your feelings, gives you a break from your sadness, and makes your social support stronger.

However, the activities do not only have to be in an individual context or a social context. If both individual and social domains of a person’s life are addressed in that activity, it can have a larger effect.

Take cycling for example. There is evidence that cycling can offer

• A physical challenge,
• A deep link to nature, and
• A support system of people who share your interests.

These healing effects of riding can have a major effect on the experience of sadness and loss. Moreover, they can even help you grow out of the pain that you experienced while getting physically fitter.

Radical Acceptance

Events that include the loss of a loved one can be traumatic. Not only could there be the grief of losing that person but one could also experience deep philosophical challenges.

What is the meaning of life?

Does life matter?

Do I matter?

These questions are only some of the ones that clients often asked in my therapy sessions, during the period of bereavement.

These questions also challenge the way we view ourselves and the world. The cognitive triad is a great way to understand how a traumatic event could disrupt our beliefs about ourselves, others and the world.

To deal with such philosophical problems, some psychologists have put forward the concept of radical acceptance. To put it in a nutshell, radical acceptance is the adaptation of one’s philosophy of life to the possible randomness of things observed in life.

Death is an inevitability which can philosophically challenge many of our notions about life. To radically accept the death of a loved one is not at all an easy thing. However, acceptance can lead to a more mature understanding of life.

Conclusion

The loss of a loved one is a difficult time period. As I mentioned early on, the closer the person was, the greater the feelings of grief that we are likely to feel.

Bereavement has now become non-exclusive for the diagnosis of major depression. While controversial, this signifies the intersection between the experience of death of a loved one and major psychiatric issues.

In this article, I have mentioned 3 basic psychological interventions that you could use to help with your grief. However, it is important to mention that one could experience severe symptoms and this grief might not resolve with time and the activities that I mentioned above.

In such a severe case, it is probably time to reach for professional help.

After all, we cannot solve everything by ourselves. Sometimes it is important to reach out for informed and ethical help.

If you have anything you would like to add, please leave it in the comments section below.